Life as it is
by Nocturnalux
Summary: Ikigami/Durarara crossover. Orihara Izaya, the man who wants to live forever, only has 24 hours to live. Cornered by the system he is thrown on his resources in a desperate struggle for what matters the most: life.
1. Chapter 1

**Prompt:** Izaya receives IKIGAMI (please wiki the manga. Basically you get a letter from the government saying you only have 24 hours to live). HOW WILL IZAYA LIVE HIS LAST AND FINAL DAY?

* * *

><p>'Ikigami': Orihara Izaya found it the most interesting system. Its inherent cruelty – the government decided to simply end someone's life for the sake of fabled social union – brought to the forefront the most genuine reactions out of people.<br>After all, the one defining characteristic of humans as a species was their being aware of their own unavoidable demise. Izaya had learnt that people were at their most honest when faced with death. Their emotions were warped, their thought processes honed to a zenith of breathless sense of urgency, lesser concerns were stripped away to reveal the raw reality of humanity underneath all the emptiness of everyday life. Izaya actually appreciated the Ikigami system, not for its fabled unifying effects but because it offered a window into the deeper layers of the human soul and one into which he could peer at will.  
>It had never occurred to Izaya that he might get to experience Ikigami directly. Not as the perpetual spectator. Standing above was one thing but to actually be in the midst of it was entirely different. This was information that a certain informant was about to acquire.<p>

Heiwajima Kasuka adjusted his suit before leaving headquarters. He often heard that he was the perfect employer to deliver such news as the death notice of one still living. Indeed, Kasuka remained professionally detached through it all and unlike many of his colleagues had no qualms doing so. Even though he was still new at the job there were already talk of his received the employer of the month prize along with the perks it carried.  
>This time he checked the name and address and did not quite blink but almost. Dutifully enough he rang the chime and waited. Izaya opened the door. And stood frozen on the spot in frozen silence.<br>"Good morning. I am Heiwajima Kasuka I am with the National Health-"  
>"I know who you are. Ikigami deliverer."<br>Izaya heard himself speak the words but they resounded through a filter of irreality. Very much as if he was stranded on a movie and yet watching it at the same time.  
>"Yes. You are Orihara Izaya, I gather?"<br>"It depends. Is that my name on that Ikigami?"  
>Kasuka handed him said document.<br>"Congratulations, you have been selected to die for the sake of Japan. Your death will not be in vain. You may travel and dine for free anywhere you wish until the time for your death that will occur in twenty hours. It is now ten A.M. Your family will receive a compensation, details are included in the document. Thank you for your sacrifice, the prayers of the nation are with you."  
>Kasuka granted him a curt albeit polite bow. To his credit Izaya took the Ikigami with a steady hand.<br>"'Thank you'? Heh...you make it seem as if I have a choice in the matter."  
>"Have a good day."<br>"Oh, you bet I will. You bet."  
>Kasuka had encountered many a reaction from the soon to be martyrs but this cool semi-threatening undertone was entirely new to him. He was reminded that this Orihara Izaya had a most tumultuous relationship with Shizuo. Perhaps his brother would appreciate the end of this sly character. Kasuka was already spinning on his heels but Izaya had one more thing to say.<br>"Your employer has a very tight privacy policy from what I understand."  
>"Yes. No one will be informed of your selection by the Ikigami program until after your death, at which point it will publically announced."<br>"I see."  
>Kasuka was almost disappointed that Izaya had nothing further to add. After all, if there was anyone who would fight the status quo of state promoted murder it was Orihara Izaya.<p>

As soon as he closed the door, Izaya leant his forehead against it and inhaled deeply. He stayed that way, his eyes closed, until his heartbeat no longer caused the darkness to pulse with tides of nausea. Izaya felt as if his body was dissolving away from his mind, that he was losing reality. Already sliding into a land of shadows. Cold fear gripped him.  
>The Ikigami crumpled as he made a fist around it. This lasted two whole minutes. Time that Izaya could not possibly afford to waste.<br>Then he made two calls. The clock on the wall ticked away loudly in the hollow silence. Izaya dared not look at it but he did pull up a chronometer on his cell phone and set it.  
>Twenty three hours, forty minutes, ten seconds. And counting.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Yagiri Namie gave him a good hard stare. Then closed a clipboard and said,  
>"My condolences."<br>"I am still alive, Namie."  
>He saw her soften considerably so that for a split second Izaya could glimpse at a whole different woman that had been firmly secured within her all along.<br>"Not for long. For what it's worth, I really am very sorry."  
>Izaya had summoned her to his living room and he now sprang from the swivel chair to land just in front of her, hands poised on her shoulders, his eyes locked with hers and unwaveringly steady.<br>"Like I said, I am alive. And I fully intend to remain that way. And you are going to help me."  
>"You're trying to beat the system?"<br>She took it for granted.  
>"I do not exactly have anything to lose. It just so happens that I know that you have been working on a way of nullifying the deadly effects of the time bomb currently coursing through my veins."<br>Namie smiled thinly.  
>"Just how much do you know about it?"<br>"Enough to be aware that you were well past the initial stages of creating a cure. Or vaccine or whatever you wish to term me."  
>Izaya also knew that the reason why Namie had pursued such research in the first place was as insurance in case Seiji turned out to be selected by the program. And it was her thorough planning that served as the one thin ray of hope that trickled into his darkness.<br>"All I achieved was to identify the pathogen if it is present. So far no tests have proved successful in actually cancelling the effects nor has it been possible to remove it either."  
>"Why, that means that I will be the very first, doesn't it?"<br>"There's more to it. The procedure of somewhat invasive and I would need access to medical facilities. No legal hospital would even consider your case."  
>"The keyword is of course 'legal'."<br>And as if on cue there was a knock at the door and Izaya led Shinra into the living room. It was actually Izaya who cut the icy atmosphere as Namie and Shinra glared at each other with sheer vitriol on both parts. Izaya spun on his favorite chair.  
>"I must ask you two to please put your differences aside and to cooperate on this."<br>Shinra remained silent for a while longer.  
>"Orihara-kun, I want to make it very clear that the odds of this actually working are extremely slim."<br>"Assuming it is even possible."  
>Namie was never one to foster unfounded hopes in others. But Izaya was not dismayed. He preferred their honesty to vain promises. What he could not stand was that time was ticking away even as they stood there giving him a disclaimer he need to hear. But Namie was already pulling out her files on a PDA and Shinra checking what medical material he had with him on his bag. Preliminary actions, setting a stage.<br>"As for it being possible, Namie...we just have to make it that way. Neh?"  
>She smiled.<br>"You really are something else."  
>"I hate to interrupt this...moment or whatever it is but if we are to do this, we have to decide exactly how to tackle the problem and compare notes."<br>It was a known fact that Namie did not believe in the free exchange of well earned scientific breakthroughs of her doing but she cast aside such considerations now and showed Shinra the fruits of her research.  
>"Here. I'll explain the basics."<br>Izaya paid close attention to Namie's explanation that Shinra interrupted on occasion with a few pertinent question. Izaya only wished they would not dally. His sense of urgency increased with each second. He realized how much for granted he had taken life. Their conference did not last long much to Izaya's relief although it felt like a small eternity slipping away from his grasp. He toyed with a few chess pieces to entertain restless fingers in need of purchase.  
>"Alright, that settles it, then. We'll go ahead as soon as possible. First, a blood sample."<br>Namie produced a needle, gloved up and in her typical no-nonsense way went about collecting it.  
>"I'll have it sent to some lab techs that I know and give it top priority."<br>Izaya handed her a thick bundle of bills.  
>"An incentive."<br>Shinra joined the conversation.  
>"We can use my facilities. No questions asked there."<br>"I thank you both."  
>Namie tossed her hair with a gesture that bordered on violence.<br>"Thank me after I save you."


	3. Chapter 3

"Ah...yes. But let's go now."  
>Only now did Izaya show the anxiety that was gnawing him. Celty carried them over to Shinra's inconspicuous office. It took three trips but her bike made each trip a matter of a few minutes. She carried Shinra and Namie first to speed up preparations and so was left with a ride with Izaya. It was interesting to him how easily she seemed to take the job and as she flailed for the PDA Izaya was sure that he could detect more than a hint of compassion.<br>[Izaya, I'm sorry. But Shinra will work it out. Just trust him.]  
>He had arranged for her to take him last for another reason and now got to it.<br>"But if he fails I will be requiring your services one last time. Don't worry, I'll pay you as usual. Neh?"  
>[You don't have to pay]<br>"I insist on paying."  
>Izaya was not even sure why it should be so. Perhaps because to break off his business routine was admitting defeat already. Celty typed furiously.<br>[This ride is for free. Ikigami note says so, all transportation is free of charge]  
>"Yes. Yes, it does. Alright then. As long as you're not doing me a favor."<br>She nodded for lack of a better response, light reflecting off the helmet and Izaya was amused that a headless creature should at all nod. Izaya held on to her as the city slid by in a blur. His voice reached her, calmly, a bit too calmly.  
>"There's no need for you to be sympathetic. Feel free to go on hating me. Nothing has really changed."<br>But this was a lie that he could not quite carry through convincingly. At least to Celty everything had changed regarding Orihara Izaya and empathy was not something she could refuse even if she wanted.  
>"And you can't even die...I really envy you for that."<p>

"By the way, I can buy you all one hell of a meal today. All on me."  
>Izaya waved the Ikigami notice and smiled. Namie and Shinra knew Izaya fairly well, as well as anyone could, but they both had to wonder how much did they know about him as he sauntered to the phone and ordered some absurdly expensive food, the lilt to his voice carrying his smile through the connection as he mentioned the code to his death notice.<br>He put down the receiver and reassured them,  
>"Worry not, that was a top restaurant I contacted. I have connections so they will deliver."<br>Namie took a step forward because she had to act least the uncomfortable feeling gripped her more completely.  
>"You can't eat, it could interfere with the procedure."<br>"I ordered for the two of you. It's a shame that Celty doesn't eat."  
>It was a strange interlude. Preparations were underway so there was nothing that could be done until these were finished. That Izaya could attend to people's hunger in this situation was bizarre. But Shinra thought that it might be his way of filling the moment with some activity, no matter what it was, instead of wasting it waiting.<br>It might have been a gloomy meal and in fact it was difficult to see how it could possibly be otherwise but Izaya set a very light mood by prattling about nothing in particular. Places he wanted to visit, fun tricks he had in mind, movies he was planning to watch. All very steeped in a near future, the reality of which seemed self-evident. As Izaya urged them to try a delicious slab of ootoro Shinra reflected on how alive Izaya was. Shinra knew that many people simply went through the motions of life without quite living, they carried on because everyone else around them did the same. This might even be the majority. But not Izaya, he was one that lived each moment with almost frantic intensity. All of Izaya's many machinations attested to this.  
>Seen in this light there was something genuinely tragic about Izaya. It bothered Shinra considerably. He glanced at Namie and not for the first time wondered just how it was affecting her. Apparently it had hardly impacted her. As soon as plates were cleaned she set to re-explaining a few details.<br>"We cannot use anesthetics. It is very unfortunate but every time we tried to use any the capsule imploded immediately, leading to death."  
>Izaya nodded.<br>"It has probably been designed that way."  
>"Yes, that is what we believe as well. No doubt that they took precautions in case someone was to attempt what we are about to do."<br>"Indeed."


	4. Chapter 4

Shinra's question was answered by the softening to her tone. He thought it almost uncanny.  
>"There's also the possibility of dying from sheer shock. There is no way to go about this painlessly. It might be best if you lose consciousness although we can't induce that. And if you do blackout it is likely that we won't be able to bring you back."<br>"Cheer up, Namie. At least there are sound proof walls in this place."  
>She seemed about to say something but at the last moment thought better of it.<br>"Alright. Kishitani, let us get started."

It hurt more than Izaya thought possibly to endure without collapsing into sheer oblivion. No warning could possibly prepare one for this, for the shredding of nerves and blind panic pumping through his blood stream, through and out of his body. For there was a lot of bleeding, so much that the transfusion he was receiving was a mere trickle against an outpouring tide.  
>And Izaya was barely aware of this. He could not tell if the stark red splashing his dimming field of vision was actually real or that like the exploding bolts of white light it was a pain-induced hallucination. At some point he ceased to hear his own cries, let alone Namie's clear instructions but there was sound in this twisted world: the sound of his heart. Beating a mad pattern that echoed in a loud crescendo as if it was throbbing in expanding rings of sound that went beyond the moment. Projecting into the future, a few heartbeats into the future, living.<br>Izaya clung to it with all he had and what he did not have. When consciousness began to swim away from him he searched for the thread of rhythm that he struggled to envision as if made it more solid and real. This was his one proof of life at this point. It occurred to him if it was possible to die and still feel shattering agony for a while. After all, severed limbs went on hurting for a long time after amputation.  
>Celty's shadow ribbons held him against the operating table but this to Izaya became utterly irrelevant. All that mattered was clawing for purchase even within the spiral of fragments spinning him furiously, his only leverage was the insane bass of his heartbeat racing ahead of him.<br>And then it was over.

For a few dreadful moments Izaya was sure that he was dead and yet still lingering in the surgical theatre. An interval of pure darkness, a darkness that covered his vision, muffled his hearing, cut short all of his senses, even silencing the signal of pain. Coolly he wondered if this is what a ghost was and that he himself was one. Then he took a sharp breath and air rushed into his aching lungs and with the impact of his senses reconnecting with reality. The scent of blood and raw sweat.  
>He need not even ask. Shinra was sewing him up and after the onslaught of violence his body seemed unable to even process physical suffering. Namie's back was turned to him too and it shook slightly.<br>"Let me guess...you failed."  
>Namie swirled around, suddenly adjusted the IV briskly. Izaya suddenly realized how utterly exhausted he was. All energy gutted out of him. He wanted to push Shinra away but he could not do anything but lie in his battered state. Izaya had to muster all his will power to string together a few words and his voice was too flat to convey how much he meant it:<br>"Do it again."  
>Shinra finished and glanced uncertainly at Namie. He took a shoot at speaking.<br>"We can't. You'll die if we do, you nearly died as it is-"  
>"Do. It. Again. I don't care- either way I'll die so do it again."<br>It was Namie who took control now. She walked over until she was so close he could see how serious she was.  
>"No. And that is final. I will not do it and I will not allow anyone to do it either. Not until you have a good talk with your sisters. What you tell them is your business and only you know what you should say but I will not allow you to flat-line on me without making amends. You owe it to them. You owe it yourself. I know what you'll say so spare your strength, you'll need it for later. Even if the odds 0.00000000001% you'd still go for something as risky and painful as this, even if it were zero you would try. I understand and respect that. But I will not move a finger until you talk to Kururi and Mairu. They're your sisters, Izaya."<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Shinra did not know what to expect but he did not expect this. Izaya's eyes widened and then he nodded. That was all he had strength for. And Shinra knew that this one admissal of defeat cost Izaya more than all the physical suffering the world could throw at him.

Somehow Izaya had managed to claw through the pain into a state of numbness. But he had to connect with emotions without being overwhelmed. Not just for himself but for his sisters. Izaya was committed to this. So much so that he lost a whole hour taking deep breaths and clearing his mind. Then he looked himself in the mirror, all bandaged up and still rather wan, and made a call.  
>"Mairu! Hi there. Say, think you girls can ditch school today? What do you say, just you, me, and Kururi. The old Orihara gang. Surely you can skip a few classes? Put Kururi on. Hello! Great, I knew you'd be up for it. I'll meet you up at the back in a jiffy."<br>Izaya did not have to wait long for his sisters. He knew that they used this escape route, a half-hidden exit giving into a narrow street that ran around the school's back. As pressed for time as he was – he could feel it ticking away with each breath – he would rather have a few moments to prepare himself. As it was, he put on his brightest smile and led them away from the school's area of influence as fast as he could.  
>Both girls waited until the building had dimmed in the urban landscape to say anything. Kururi hugged him tightly and Izaya sort of waltzed in a crazy spin on the pavement.<br>"Izaya-nii, we'll fall at this rate."  
>"If we do, we only have to get up again."<br>Izaya smiled warmly but was all too aware that Mairu was studying him closely.  
>"So, what's the occasion?"<br>"Oh, nothing much. Just thought we'd make today a family outing."  
>Something very much like panic struck him. Mairu was sure to notice that there was something very wrong and then he would come undone. Instead she rolled her eyes behind her glasses and took one of his arms.<br>"And where are we going?"  
>"I thought that I'd finally take you to Disneyworld."<br>"Gee, we're not kids anymore, you know?"  
>Izaya had to stifle a sob. He suddenly realized that Mairu was of course right, that he had known it for quite a while and yet it had never registered with him. It seemed that he had looked away for a few seconds and here they were, his baby sisters almost grown up. The painful tug at his chest was physical and it amounted to grief. Time, it came back to that. Izaya had always assumed that he had time, so much of time, an eternity of it, to be together, to reconnect.<br>"I'm afraid to me you'll always be little girls."  
>Kururi had taken his other arm and they made their way as a trio.<br>"I want to go to Disneyland! Let's hurry, nii-chan."  
>"I guess it'll do. But next time you better take us some place nice. I mean it."<br>Izaya answered with a beautiful smile. Because he could not lie without crying.

The spinning teacups made him queasy but he braved them nonetheless. They could not tackle the rollercoaster because Mairu did not have the minimum height. She proceeded to complain rather bitterly and Kururi was most sympathetic. Izaya was fascinated by the interaction between the twins. How could he have failed to give it due attention, how could he have allowed life to come between himself and them to the point they hardly needed him. Not life, Izaya corrected himself. It had been his decision. And in a way it was a consolation.  
>As he saw them sharing an overly sugary wisp of pink cotton candy, he knew that they would be alright without him. He excused himself with a chuckle, locked himself in a restroom and wrapped his arms around himself as he silently wept. Tears flowed down his face unbidden and he let them. Slowly he rocked back and forth.<br>Pressure expanded against his head in a dull ache. He struggled for thought amidst a chaos of hurt. There was a will to write, he would leave the great majority of his great wealth to his sisters with a more than generous portion apported to Namie, Shinra, Saki and even a bit for Kida. He thought with tired bitterness how true it was that the riches of the world ultimately amounted to nothing in the end. Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. The quotation slid into his mind and seemed to fit all too well.


	6. Chapter 6

Izaya took a few deep breaths and splashed his face with cold water. It took all he had to fake a credible smile and step into the sun. A Mickey Mouse clock informed him that it was five. The cruelty of the remaining hours of his life indicated by a cartoon, big gloved hands unstoppably moving toward a final point already fixed.  
>"Hey, how about I get you girls bunny ears?"<br>"Bunny ears?"  
>"Only if Izaya-nii also wears them!"<br>Izaya laughed. At least this moment could not be stolen from him.  
>"Of course. We'll become the Usahara family!"<br>They put on fluffy pink rabbit ears and got an official picture taken. Izaya was not pleased with just one and took a whole film: carrying his sisters, giving piggy back rides, pretending to skip about in an erratic manner. But it was not enough. He took more pictures using their cell phones. Then spotted some cell phone straps.  
>"Let's get these so we can match!"<br>Mairu frowned. Something was off here.  
>"Are you sure you're alright?"<br>"Never better. Kururi, do you like the pink one? Then we'll get it."  
>Kururi nodded and Mairu snickered.<br>"Pink is so totally not your color."  
>"But of course. Since we should match."<br>Izaya almost grimaced as Kururi tugged at his sleeve. There were stitches running up most of the length of his arm and he had to be careful least they broke. He was glad that he usually wore long sleeves as it was.  
>"What do you guys say we take the Ferris wheel?"<br>The suggestion was taken with great enthusiasm. But there was a cue. A rather large one, too. Izaya's heart fell at it. He excused himself and went around the Ferris wheel until he was at the top of the cue. Here he showed the Ikigami notice to the staff, careful to keep the wall of people between himself and his sisters.  
>"Good news, I just bribed the guy and we can go on right now."<br>Mairu did a little jump and Kururi smiled in calm happiness. They boarded a large gondola and soon enough it was slowly swinging in mid-air as it arched upwards. The girls glued themselves to the glass beyond which the city spread in tones of deep gold. Flashes of light sparked off the face of skyscrapers that seemed tiny against the wide expanse of the sky. The river too was burnished in so many gleams. Izaya had a distinct impression of how limited humans were, how diminutive their scale compared to the totality of existence. But to himself it was not so. He remained the measure of all things and his pain matched it.  
>"Can't see Tokyo Tower. No wait, there it is!"<br>Mairu pointed, her finger smudging the window.  
>"You're right, look Izaya-nii!"<br>Izaya had a moment of perfect happiness. This was something that no one could ever take away from him. His sisters were smiling and he could not help but get caught up in the mood.  
>"Tokyo is the greatest city in the world. I am glad I was born here."<br>Mairu pointed to something else. The light was passing from the day and the descent took place in a pale of twilight. Izaya sat on the seat and sat Mairu on his knees, fingers barely touching her hair.  
>"When you were very little I used to tie up your hair into pigtails. I don't suppose you'll remember."<br>"I remember."  
>Izaya gestured Kururi to sit next to him and wrapped them both in a hug. The gondola landed and Izaya leapt to his feet.<br>"Onwards!"  
>He held himself together as he hailed them a taxi. It was time to return to Shinra's place and give it one last try. His phone rang. He almost did not pick it up, the ringtone was familiar.<br>"Mairu? Any trouble-"  
>"Ikigami. You received one, didn't you?"<br>Izaya considered lying.  
>"How did you know?"<br>"I paid attention."  
>"Does Kururi know...?"<br>"No. She's sleeping, too tired. What are you going to do about it?"  
>"Nothing much I can do but...I will try."<br>"Don't try. Beat it. Promise me you'll beat it. I'll believe it if it's you."  
>"Thanks. But I'm afraid it's out of my hands. But I won't go down without a fight. Ever."<br>"Good. See you soon, Izaya-nii."  
>"I love you both. Sorry- I never told you before."<br>It was only then as Izaya considered revenge. He made a few calls. Then headed for Shinra's. This was not yet quite the last act. Regardless of what happened, the National Health department would not walk out unscathed. Izaya would make sure of that.


	7. Chapter 7

Namie hesitated slightly. Preparations were done and once more Izaya was strapped to the operation table.  
>"Are you sure you want to go ahead with this? The Ikigami system isn't painful, you wouldn't feel anything but what we are about to do will hurt a lot and is probably to no avail. We'll probably end up killing you."<br>Izaya smiled.  
>"I know just how much it will hurt but I'll rather die trying to survive even if it means a world of pain then give up. Rest assured that I will hold no bad will against you."<br>She nodded as if she expected this and signaled to Shinra.  
>"One more thing, Namie-san. Before you begin can I kiss you?"<br>Taking the cue Shinra stepped away from the room. Namie was still blinking in surprise.  
>"Alright. I never understood your whims."<br>But Namie did not sound at all annoyed.  
>"It's not a whim. I've been wanting to do it since I first saw you."<br>"I think you just made that up on the spot."  
>"Not at all. This isn't a declaration of eternal love or anything along those lines. But I am a guy and you're a beautiful woman. So it's not all that surprising. Also, I know I can't talk you into this once I pull through this so this is my only chance of ever getting to kiss you."<br>The spiel made her smile. It was typically Izaya, playful, absurdly hopeful, childish for all his intelligence. Namie merely meant to bring their lips together but there was no point in being half hearted. She kissed him briefly but deeply.  
>"Happy now?"<br>"Ah, that was the real thing. Thank you. Oh, Shinra? I should tell you both to stay away from the National Health department headquarters tomorrow. Please inform my sisters."  
>Namie and Shinra exchanged a glance but did not comment. They were already gloving up, masks in place. Izaya took a deep breath and composed his thoughts. Not that it mattered much since his mind was about to shatter from the onslaught of pain.<br>Consciousness nearly collapsed on him but he knew what to expect. It did not make it easier to endure but it gave him some term of comparison. The only thing he could do was hold to the thread of his heartbeat. Until it eclipsed into silence and sudden darkness.

He floated toward awareness to the worried faces of Shinra and Namie, seen through a filter of blurred light. It smudged their features but he could still discern the truth therein.  
>"Let me guess...failed again?"<br>The silence was overwhelming. Izaya felt utterly exhaustion.  
>"What time is it?"<br>Shinra glanced at his watch.  
>"Ten. You were out for a while."<br>"Twelve hours past, twelve hours to go." A pause. "There really isn't anything after death- I've always thought there had to be but now- I know there's only...nothingness."  
>Izaya did not have any tears left. Shinra and Namie could only stand awkwardly.<br>"Please leave me alone. I want to be alone."  
>He did not look up as the door opened and closed, footsteps receding into the distance. The injustice of it all did not even register at this point. His own suffering blocked out anything else. For a few minutes he was absolutely self-centered in misery and it was too much. Izaya could not stay here anymore with the smells of hospital hemming him in into oblivion. He hastily threw on some clothes and ran away without as much as looking back.<br>The streets were almost hauntingly empty in this part of town but Izaya had no problems finding a cab.  
>"Just drive around, doesn't matter the destination."<br>He handed the Ikigami notice and rolled down the window. Night air revived him to the harsh reality of things. Never had life seemed more futile to him and yet never had it struck him as so precious. He turned off his phone and let the city slip by like the time he could not retrieve.  
>"Ikigami, huh. My son died because of that."<br>It took a split second for Izaya to realize that the taxi driver was talking to him. He felt too isolated that it was almost surprising for someone to address him. The illusion of being propelled forwards as if by purely mechanical means was a strong one. But of course here, like in so many things, humans were required.  
>"And you think Ikigami is a great thing?"<br>"No, sir. I hate it."  
>"That makes two of us."<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Izaya mused. There must be an entire multitude of people who hated the system as much as he did and if he could but harness the power of this shadow army he could put a stop to the madness. He had the skills and the experience to do it. If anyone could, it would be Orihara Izaya. But of course there was no time.  
>He gave directions to Russia Sushi and tipped generously.<br>"Oh, by the way. Stay away from the National Health den tomorrow. There'll be some fireworks."  
>Izaya entered the restaurant with a feeling that it was the very last time he would ever set foot in it. Immediately Namie jumped from a counter seat and walked to him.<br>"What are you doing here?"  
>"That's my line, Izaya."<br>"I just realized that I haven't eaten much this whole day and thought I'd have some delicious ootoro."  
>"Alright. But you could have told me."<br>Izaya smiled.  
>"You can't really save me, can you? If you're allowing me to eat and all. Thank you."<br>Her hands clenched into fists.  
>"What are you thanking me for? You know I can't do anything for you-"<br>"You wanted to spare me needless pain. I am thanking you for that. And now, time for tasty fresh fish."  
>He showed Simon the notice and urged him to keep quiet. Simon was used to keeping his peace.<br>"Everyone, tonight food is on me so go wild!"  
>There was a cheer and Izaya could feel that this was humanity: happiness in the face of unknown tragedy. Happiness that might not even be affected by tragedy once known. After all, in the morning when it was made public what a great sacrifice Orihara Izaya had done for the country this crowd would look back to this night perhaps with a somber way but it would not last. Life triumphed over death as long as you were not the one dying.<br>He settled in a private room with Namie and tried to carry out a light conversation throughout the meal. But his heart was not in it and neither was hers. When a knock at the door informed them that Shiki was here to see Izaya she took her leave. But before disappearing she produced a vial from a metal case kept in her purse.  
>"That's a special container that preserves sperm. It has an autonomous life of approximately twelve hours. If you'd care to use it I can arrange for your genetic material to be passed on."<br>Izaya blinked.  
>"Did you just offer to carry my child?"<br>"Some people view offspring as a kind of immortality. And I'm sure I can find a fitting host."  
>"Heh, a 'fitting host' that won't be you, you mean. Thanks but I don't really care for such things. Arrange for me to be reincarnated and we'll have a deal."<br>She nodded as if she expected this.  
>"I thought you'd say that. Goodbye, Izaya. I was glad I met you."<br>"Likewise, Namie. And since you're concerned about my kin please-"  
>"Watch over your sisters for you. You don't even have to ask me, I'd do that anyway."<br>She left with a toss of the long hair. Shiki waited a few moments before taking her former place across the low table.  
>"Hello, Shiki-san! So rare of you to be alone. I suppose you know?"<br>"Ikigami. I know."  
>"Amazing how things get around."<br>Shiki produced a cup of faded blue and a bottle of _sake_. He poured it with nothing short of ceremony and dipped his lips before handing it to Izaya who caught the drift right away. Izaya emptied it. Alcohol stung his lips, they quivered in a shaky smile.  
>"I guess this makes you my <em>aniki<em>, Shiki-san."  
>It was not in Shiki's manner to express emotions overtly. He now slid a gun across the table.<br>"In case you need it."  
>"Let me guess, a single bullet?"<br>"Thought you might want to end it on your own terms."  
>Izaya nodded and pocketed it. The gun was absurdly heavy. He bowed without mockery for once.<br>"Thank you, _aniki_."

Izaya had walked two blocks when he nearly bumped into Shizuo. And suddenly it was all too much. A need for violence, for making a splash, for putting up a resistance no matter how useless, it possessed him.  
>"Hello, Shizu-chan! I got great news for you! Great news! Guess what? You'll be rid of me very soon! I-ki-ga-mi! Aren't you thrilled? Too overjoyed for words? Be happy! Dance about! Isn't this what you always wanted? Rejoice!"<br>Shizuo merely grimaced.  
>"It's not what I wanted."<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

"Ah, of course. You'd rather kill me yourself. Well go ahead! Now's your chance! Take it while you can because in a few hours you won't be able to kill me. Can't die twice. Not even I."  
>Shizuo took a drag then tossed the cigarette away, stepping on it as if he had a vested interest in extinguishing the tiny flame.<br>"How many hours?"  
>"I am scheduled to die at ten AM, sharp."<br>"'Scheduled', huh."  
>Anger flared up from the deepest recesses of Izaya's being where it had been piling, minute by minute, each fraction of time weighted with it as it drew closer to his end.<br>"Your brother delivered it. 'Thank you for dying for Japan'. Isn't it absolutely _hilarious_? He's perfect for the job, too. So robotic that he does not even blink as he tells people that they only have twenty four hours to live. Who the hell gives him the right to decide that? Just why do I have to die, for Japan? The _hell_ with Japan! I'd revoke my citizenship on the spot if I could- if I could live. It's not even over something I've done! It's just random, a random pick. The world will become a better place without me? I don't care! I can't just die, I'm Orihara Izaya, I can't-"  
>"Everyone dies sooner or later."<br>"Shut up! You can afford to say that because it's not _you_ dying."  
>"I guess."<br>Izaya's anger increased. For once their roles were inverted, Izaya consumed in a violent outpour that swept aside all reason while Shizuo remained calm before this storm. For Izaya it was not so much a matter of snapping after too much pressure applied to his coping skills, although that was entailed too, as a relaxation of self-control. His highly rational self reeled against the inevitable and naturally Shizuo became an icon for all the distress rattling his nerves. The switchblade materialized with a swish of speed, cutting through the air.  
>"You should be the one dying. It's unfair that <em>I<em> should die. What will you ever achieve with your pathetic life? Nothing! You'll just waste it away like you've been doing since forever. You're useless!"  
>"Life isn't fair."<br>Shizuo spoke this platitude evenly enough. The blade arched widely in a flicker of silver. Izaya aimed it with deadly intent. Shizuo did not dodge, he merely blocked it. The sharp edge struck the palm, momentum carried it to pierce through his hand entirely only to reappear at the back. A thin trickle of blood was the only visible result. Shizuo dangled his hand with something akin to curiosity at the metal firmly lodged into his flesh but with no signs of alarm.  
>"Die instead of me! Why can't you die and let me live, why does it have to be like this-"<br>"Last time I went with glue, guess I'll do that again."  
>Of all the reactions this borderline bored tolerance was the most likely to shake Izaya's already tottering composure.<br>"Get mad already! This is 'bukuro, thought I weren't supposed to even think about being here. What are you waiting for? Chase me around the block like you always do, throw heavy objects at me, act like the crazy monster and demolish half the town, you fucking idiot!"  
>Izaya actually kicked at Shizuo's knees with no effect whatsoever. Shizuo produced a cigarette and smoked, switchblade cutting through his hand notwithstanding.<br>"Are you trying to provoke me into killing you or do you just want things to go back to normal?"  
>This startled Izaya almost into sobriety.<br>"What is it to you. Are you pitying me? Is that it? How do you _dare_-"  
>Without a warning Shizuo picked him and flung him over a shoulder so easily that Izaya might have been weightless for all practical purposes.<br>"Put me down! Put me down right now!"  
>"I was going for a stroll anyway."<br>"Let _go_ of me!"  
>Izaya knew that resistance was futile but he had to try anyway. His fists beat uselessly against a body that seemed ironclad and no amount of kicking did anything other than tire and bruise him.<br>"Better stop that, you'll only hurt yourself."  
>Izaya grew limp as Shizuo carried him. He could feel his stitches growing loose and bleeding to death did not yet sound appealing. That this might change in the next hours was not something Izaya wanted to consider.<br>"Where are you taking me?"  
>"You'll see soon enough."<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Shizuo climbed a fire escape stairwell all the way to the roof of a skyscraper. Izaya closed his eyes throughout this ascension lest he became too dizzy. All he could see was open space, occasional neon lights littering imperfect darkness and concrete flashing by as he was propelled upwards. The bite of cold in the air along with the roving wind told him immediately where he was even before he opened his eyes. He got up very slowly and only after making sure he was not too near the edge.  
>"If you wanna cheat the system by dying then jump off."<br>Izaya glanced at the abyss.  
>"I'll pass."<br>A reddish glimmer as Shizuo lit a cigarette. The smoke was disrupted by gusts of wind and carried into oblivion by invisible eddies.  
>"Want a drag?"<br>Shizuo's gesture was almost graceful, cigarette tucked between two fingers.  
>"Shizu-chan, haven't you heard? That stuff kills."<br>Izaya burst into peals of laughter. It rang hollowly in a series of fits and came to sudden halt in a choked sob. The sting of tears was in his eyes. He wanted to cry, his inner equilibrium was thrown off kilter and emotions he had curbed into stylish eccentricity now poured outward in raw desperation. He was miles away from the sleek informant whose mischief was always ever so amusing to himself.  
>"Got any glue?"<br>Shizuo's run of the mill manner surprised Izaya to the point of momentarily losing track of his sorrow.  
>"Is this all a joke to you?"<br>"Not really. But freaking out won't do any good."  
>"Now that's precious! Like you can say that. It doesn't even matter! Don't you think I haven't tried- again and again- I can't <em>win<em>!"  
>Izaya bristled with fury and finished off with overt frustration.<br>"I like seeing you like this."  
>"Do you now? But of course you do. It's what you've been waiting for all along, you must be jumping for joy inside."<br>And it only added up to Izaya's bleak state of mind.  
>"Yeah, I like it. Shows you're human after all."<br>"What is that supposed to mean?"  
>"You're cornered now. So you can't be all breezy about stuff or act almighty."<br>Izaya took a step in his direction.  
>"Are you pitying me now?"<br>"Not really. It's the truth, isn't it?"  
>Izaya giggled again.<br>"Ah, there's nothing I can do...nothing at all. But I just realized something. I can't stand the thought of leaving this world for you to enjoy while I'll be gone forever."  
>Shizuo finished a cigarette and reached for another as Izaya pointed a gun at him.<br>"So you kill me. What will that do? You'll still die in a couple of hours."  
>"That's just it, Shizu-chan. In a couple of hours. Which is more time than you'll have. I can spend my final hours watching over your corpse and perhaps even stomp on you. Yes, I think I'll do just that. Stomp, stomp, stomp, until I break your spine!"<br>The grip on the handle wavered as Izaya's body was submitted to violent shivers. It could either be excitement at the prospect he was underlining or fear. It was probably both.  
>"Big deal. I won't feel anything. I'll be dead."<br>"Precisely! You'll die before I do! Die, die, go ahead and _fucking_ die!"  
>Shizuo took a long drag.<br>"That's all you got? Not much-"  
>The flame was knocked out of Shizuo's hand. Izaya aimed squarely at him and pressed the trigger. As close to downward hysterical as he was, Izaya was still able to mind the recoil and when it came to actually shooting his aim grew accurate to the millimeter.<br>"Shit, that kinda hurt. I'll need more glue this time."  
>The gun clattered down. Izaya dropped it and slumped to the ground.<br>"Why does it have to be like this. You don't even die. I can't even have that."  
>Exhaustion created a void inside him. Suddenly Izaya was too tired. He hid his face in his hands and wept. His breakdown placed him beyond the scope of shame. Too unfamiliar with losing control he could not to seize it again. He barely noticed Shizuo kneeling by his side or pulling up the hood. And as he sank even further, somehow, he did not even know that he sank into Shizuo's arms. For a long time they remained like this. Izaya torn in a private hell and Shizuo holding him.<br>At length Izaya tried to disentangle himself, his movements sluggish. He wiped his tears with his sleeves. Shizuo noticed that wet red eyes looked like blood.  
>"It's all...awful."<br>"Yeah. It really is, Izaya."


	11. Chapter 11

"And I just wasted my only bullet on you. For no good reason."  
>Shizuo sat next to him. Close enough to touch.<br>"You were planning on using it on yourself?"  
>"So much for that, I guess."<br>Izaya laughed without a shred of humor and lied on his back, drying eyes fastened on the starless night sky. His voice drifted musingly.  
>"Funny how I never noticed that you can't see much in terms of stars in Tokyo. We learn every day, every hour. I'm going to die on this rooftop or on the pavement below."<br>Saying it out loud added a sense of finality to it all.  
>"You still want to jump?"<br>"No. I don't want to die, I never want to die but if I must- and I must- then I'd rather die on my own terms. They say that the Ikigami procedure itself is painless but that is no consolation. _This_ is painful enough. This was the longest day of my life and it's not long enough, not even remotely."  
>His moment of sharp despair passed and left a sober awareness that was equally a burden. Perhaps even more so. After all there was something almost therapeutic in venting. The energy of pent up anger consumed some of it in the process and left him spent. Feeling cold in an endless interval of loneliness that was already a preparation to death.<br>"If you want I'll stay with you until the end."  
>"Heh...thanks, I guess. I never thought I'd be glad to be with you but you're about the only person I'd want to be with right now."<br>"I am? How come?"  
>"Because I don't like you. I'd hate it for the people I love- I did not even knew I actually did love them, the irony- to see me like this but I don't want to be alone. I'll have an eternity of nothingness all too soon."<br>"I thought you believed in an afterlife."  
>"And I did...but not anymore. There's only oblivion."<br>"I see."  
>"Will you attend the funeral? I suppose not. I'd go to yours, you know."<br>"I bet you would. You'd probably tap-dance through the whole thing."  
>Izaya giggled.<br>"Heh, you may be right."  
>"Do you want me to go?"<br>"Not for me. I don't really care. I'll be dead, remember? But my sisters would like you to be there, I think."  
>"You've talked to them?"<br>Izaya's smile grew soft with nostalgia.  
>"We went to Disneyland. I wish I'd done it sooner. I wish I'd taken the time to show them I cared, I wish I'd done so many things differently...I've wasted my whole life on plans to live forever when along it'd be settled for me. My exact time of death down to the very second."<br>"It wasn't a complete waste. You actually _lived_. Most people just go through life and don't even realize they were ever alive."  
>"Shizu-chan, keep that up and I may come to like you."<br>"I don't hate you right now."  
>"You don't because you pity me. To be honest, I hate it. But there's nothing I can do about it. Now that I think about it, we might have been friends if things had been different. If I had more time..."<br>Shizuo tossed a cigarette, stomping on it to kill the tiny flame before it could flare in the wind.  
>"I don't know how this town will be without you."<br>"Probably a lot better for you?"  
>"Very different, that's for sure."<br>"Will I be missed...probably only for a season or two. This is a city that lives in the moment and I'll become the past and be forgotten."  
>"I guess. But I can tell you that I will never forget you no matter how many years I outlive you."<br>Izaya was silent for a while. Conflicting thoughts and emotions swarmed but Izaya could comb them through the filter of new found clarity.  
>"Thank you. That actually means a lot to me. Of course it only goes to show how much you do hate me but it shows I've left a mark in this world. I was wrong to want to kill you. It's best you live and remember me. Do you still have that scar?"<br>"From when you slashed me?"  
>"Yes. I gave Saika a run for its money back in the day."<br>"Yeah. Want to see it?"  
>"By all means, do show if you are so inclined."<br>Shizuo had to remove the switchblade in order to remove the shirt under the vest. Izaya sat up and burst into a radiant smile.  
>"There it is! It still looks nasty."<br>As if fascinated by this memento of their shared history Izaya touched the jagged line of scar tissue with the tips of his fingers.


	12. Chapter 12

"You sound pleased."  
>"I am. As much as I can be."<br>A gust of wind billowed on his jacket. Izaya let it. The cold was invigorating.  
>"You want this back?"<br>Shizuo presented him with the switchblade, smears of blood still on the metal.  
>"Ah, the possibilities...I could give old <em>harakiri<em> a go."  
>"Messy."<br>"Indeed. Quite a bad way to go. Then again, it's not as if there's a good way."  
>"Yeah."<br>"I almost wish there was no twenty four hour interval, either that or no notice. Either way would spare me a lot of pain- but at the same time I got to hang out with my sisters and slash you some more."  
>Shizuo fluffed Izaya's hair. It was surprisingly pleasant.<br>"I'll need plenty of glue, that's for sure."  
>"I should've asked more than a kiss from Namie. Lowering expectations can be so depressing."<br>"You like her?"  
>"I like her plenty but not in the way you mean. But no matter how you look at it she's a beautiful woman. It seems like such a shame not to get some action when I'm about to die."<br>"I doubt I'm your type at all but I'd give it a go if you'd like."  
>Izaya was going to laugh. Instead he stared hard at Shizuo to make sure that he had not misheard.<br>"Are you serious?"  
>"I'm serious."<br>Izaya got up and stretched.  
>"You're not my type, no, but even if you were I'd still turn it down. Nothing makes time seem to pass faster than sex and that's the last thing I want right now. But thanks anyway. Never thought I'd ever have this kind of conversation with you, that's for sure."<br>A smile alighted on Izaya's lips.  
>"Never thought I'd have any conversation with you."<br>"I guess this is the first and last time we get to actually talk, Shizu-chan. Isn't that wonderful."  
>"It's not wonderful. I never thought I'd ever be rid of you."<br>"Too great of a nuisance to go away?"  
>"Something like that."<br>Izaya skipped to the ledge and stared into the lively night. Neon flares seemed to float in the distance.  
>"I think I'll jump after all."<br>"Now?"  
>"No. I'll watch the sun rise first. Shizuo, if I chicken out at the last moment-"<br>"You want me to give you a push?"  
>Izaya nodded.<br>"By the way, are you hungry? I wouldn't buy you food but I can get all the free food in the world now."  
>"Sure. Might as well make use of it."<br>"Indeed! Lend me your phone, mine's off."  
>Izaya ordered an exquisite sushi based meal from the usual place. Shizuo was impressed that they apparently even delivered on rooftops. Izaya produced a multi layered case with fresh fish.<br>"The best is the ootoro, of course. That's the red stuff."  
>"Is this all for me?"<br>"I just had dinner. But I suppose I can indulge a bit. It's not as if I have to watch my weight."  
>"No chopsticks?"<br>"These are best eaten without them."  
>"Really?"<br>Izaya availed himself to the tiny wet towels that were also provided and wiped his hands clean with great care.  
>"Wash your hands. And it is better to bandage that, getting blood mixed with ootoro is a horrible sin that I will simply not accept. I have no glue, though."<br>And just like that Izaya wrapped Shizuo's wound with a handkerchief.  
>"This will do."<br>Shizuo gobbled a nigiri and Izaya winced.  
>"Honestly, aren't you a regular to Simon's joint? You should know better than to swallow it like that. You have to chew and let it melt on your tongue. Like this."<br>Izaya exemplified.  
>"Simon's stuff isn't this fancy."<br>"This is high quality."  
>Izaya contemplated a piece that he held between two fingers.<br>"Real good."  
>"Do you know why there's the costume of having a feast after a funeral? It's because to humans the act of eating means that life goes on. People gather around the table with the never stated but very real intent of saying, 'We are alive. Our life will go on. We will close the ranks, loss will pass and we will survive because life is ours. We are not dead'. I...each time I saw someone fall to their death I thought something to that effect except I did not grieve. I had no reasons to. I suppose I never understood what grief is until now. I feel it now about myself. I guess I am selfish to the core."<br>"You're treating me, though."  
>"Without paying. Don't forget that."<br>"Yeah, there's that."


	13. Chapter 13

"Say, what do you think about the system?"  
>"It's fucked up. I always thought so."<br>"Eh? Is that so? Does sweet Kasuka know that?"  
>"I've told him."<br>Izaya could feel more than see the darkness overhead dimming.  
>"I have been thinking a lot about the system. What its goals are, why they are put into action...and I think I understand it now. The system exists because we allow it to happen. That is all there is to it."<br>"Says a lot about people, I guess."  
>"It does. It really does. But you know, there are anti-system groups working behind the scenes. I wish I had lent them my hand. And Namie is close to perfecting a way of beating it so the future is not entirely bleak...and I wish I could care about it."<br>"You don't?"  
>Izaya shook his head.<br>"I can't bring myself to care. I've tried. But what is it to me, the future? I can't live it myself. And I'm that selfish. Have heard about the Andromeda galaxy?"  
>"Nah. Is that a movie?"<br>"Heh, no. It's a galaxy that is in direct collision with ours. In a few billion years it will wipe out the Earth. Tomorrow is as irrelevant to me as those billion of years are to you."  
>"Billions of years, huh. That's a lot of time."<br>"Apparently you can already see the Andromeda galaxy in our night skies. Not here, though. In Tokyo the sky is empty, I suspect the few lights we do see at night are man made satellites. I like it a lot. What makes humanity human is being artificial, going against nature. Who knows, maybe in that remote future people will take to the sky and truly colonize other planets."  
>Shizuo savored another tidbit of juicy fish.<br>"That'd be like the movies."  
>Izaya turned his eyes upwards. He could see darkness fading.<br>"I can see my own personal Andromeda galaxy, with the naked eye and all. It will be dawn for me."  
>"You got a few more hours, don't you? You only die at ten."<br>"True but I am not sure if those hours will be worth living. To measure the remaining time of my life in hours- I don't want to die, I am so afraid of dying- god."  
>Izaya's mask of composure slipped.<br>"If I could save you, Izaya...I would."  
>Izaya started. Then chuckled.<br>"Ah, you're saying that because you know you can't do anything about it."  
>"Looks like your skills are becoming rusty. You should be able to read people."<br>"You don't count. I could never read you at all. Congratulations, Heiwajima Shizuo. You win."  
>Izaya offered his hand.<br>"I'm not gonna shake it."  
>"Of course not. Too much bad blood between us."<br>"That's not it. I'm not winning anything by your death. I'll be losing something."  
>Izaya jumped to his feet and did his skipping routine.<br>"Very true. You'd lose your nemesis, the bane of your existence, your grand enemy."  
>"Yeah. But also part of my world."<br>Izaya blinked.  
>"What do you mean?"<br>"Liking you, hating you, it's got nothing to do with it. You're part of my everyday day, it makes you part of my world. Without you I'd lose a part of it."  
>Izaya pulled up the hood and turned his back, swinging back and forward on his heels.<br>"I see your point."  
>Shizuo got up and walked until he could look Izaya in the eye.<br>"It's not just my present world. It's the past, too. And the future. It's not something I'm happy about but you're a connecting thread weaving the different periods of my life together. Also, I've been wondering."  
>"Wondering?"<br>"What you said. That we could've been friends. Maybe you're saying that because you know it can't happen now but it made me wonder. If you had been honest instead of acting like a sly bastard then maybe I wouldn't have go through so much shit on your account. I didn't think you had it in you, that you could possibly be genuine but I guess I was wrong. And it pisses me off. It's all your fault for being such a piece of work but it doesn't change how I feel."  
>Silence. Izaya tried to gather his feelings.<br>"I don't know what to say to that."  
>"Good. Shit, I shouldn't have come here. I'll end up missing you-"<br>Out of the blue and without as much as a warning Shizuo kicked the connecting door and sent flying down the stairs, the crash absurdly loud in the pre-dawn hush. Izaya was surprised into staring blankly.


	14. Chapter 14

"You can still leave-"  
>"Like hell I can. You think you got the system figured, I know why people allow it to go on. They think it'll never happen to <em>them<em> or to the people around them. Other people are just names on the screen that it's okay to kill for Japan or whatever it is. But you're not just a name to me, you're a person and- shit."  
>It took Shizuo a few tries to bring a flame to a cigarette and he ended up snapping it in two after a few puffs.<br>"Things were always rather personal with us, weren't they."  
>"Don't use the past tense. I don't like it."<br>The silence that fell between them was so deep that the wind could be heard clearly cutting through it with a wordless whisper. Izaya took a few skipping steps, his voice harmonious as it picked up a tune.  
>"Subarashii hibi da<br>Chikara afure  
>Subete wo sutete boku wa ikiteru<br>Kimi wa boku wo wasureru kara  
>Sono goro ni wa sugu ni kimi ni ai ni yukeru."<br>It startled Shizuo. The melody was half sad, half whimsical.  
>"I didn't know you could sing."<br>"Neither did I, actually. It must be a hidden talent of mine."  
>"What's that song?"<br>"Something I made up."  
>"I like it a lot."<br>"Thanks."  
>Izaya approached the ledge tentatively enough. Dawn was warming up the darkness with colors, each second seemed to lift a veil to reveal a more brilliant shade of milky pink, yellow and white. Clouds lined in silver. Izaya chuckled softly at the irony. The tops of skyscrapers were tinged with lights that slid downwards in a glimmer of windows. Izaya took a deep breath.<br>"I really love this city. If I am to die it should be here. Do I have your permission to haunt Ikebukuro?"  
>"Izaya-"<br>"They say that Sunshine city is haunted. I wish I could believe in ghosts...I wish I could still believe in life everlasting. Ah, I still have time to catch a church and do a last minute conversion."  
>"Would you do that?"<br>"If I believed it'd do anything? Without a doubt. But God's not up in his heaven, not all is well with the world."  
>"I suppose anyone would want something like heaven."<br>Izaya spun around to face Shizuo, the intensity stark.  
>"It doesn't have to be heaven. As long as it is something, <em>anything<em>, as long as I am myself. I'd take even hell. If it is eternal then I can change it. If I had more time- I could beat the system, I know it. But I have around what, four hours? I can only watch as my life trickles away from me and there's absolutely nothing I can do to stop it."  
>Izaya tried to gather himself but it no avail.<br>"I can't stand it. I can't stand it! I don't even have my bullet anymore."  
>"I don't want you to die either."<br>Izaya laughed bitterly.  
>"This is so messed up. All of it."<br>"Yeah. It really is."  
>"If this were a movie it should start raining about now."<br>Shizuo was going to say something but his phone rang, jarringly enough. It annoyed him greatly and he had half a mind to dash it on the floor.  
>"Wait, what? Yes, he's with me- Izaya,"<br>Everything was suddenly far too fast. Shizuo dropped the phone and dashed. He wanted to shout but no sound escaped. Izaya's figure seemed miles away, a dark thin shape silhouetted against the cityscape and about to plummet into the abyss. Shizuo caught purchase of the hood. Izaya was absurdly light, so much so that Shizuo hardly felt any weight as he dangled him in the open air. Izaya was saying something or other but Shizuo paid no attention. Instead he tossed Izaya back into the roof where he landed surprisingly gracefully, his parkour instincts kicking into gear.  
>The crazy speed that made each moment slide into the next had not diminished. Before Shizuo or Izaya could at all react, Shizuo still hunched over the ledge and Izaya on his feet but rather dazed, a shadow covered them. It was accompanied by a black motorbike, a headless rider on it and a shadow scythe slicing in a descending arc that cut through Izaya.<br>Despite all his knowledge Izaya fully expected it to slice him dead. He felt a shiver run down his spine. Izaya was frozen. Everything was inverted, now time had stilled and simply died. A small eternity passed in which Celty landed by his side and flung the PDA into his face, frantic typing, spurts of the mysterious stuff floating upwards. Shizuo spoke but Izaya still did not move.


	15. Chapter 15

Izaya dared not let the merest shadow of hope insinuate itself. A woman's voice echoed in the distance but he did not recognize it. At some point Namie arrived but Izaya did not notice it, not even as she briskly walked up to him and said,  
>"It's just shock. Best way is to slap him out of it."<br>And it was only as she did just that that Izaya snapped out of the spell of paralysis.  
>"You- what, the scythe- that was the solution, all along- are you sure? Are you absolutely sure?"<br>Shizuo was even more confused for he did not follow. Namie nodded, put on some bizarre goggles and after some looking about picked up something from the floor.  
>"There. The Ikigami capsule."<br>"No way...I'm saved...?"  
>Izaya had not yet caught up with what was happening and Namie was readying herself for another slap when Shizuo intervened by lightly poking him in the forehead.<br>"Ouch, that hurt!"  
>"Wake up already. Shit's over."<br>Namie handed him the goggles and the invisible capsule.  
>"Here. It's too small to be seen with the naked eye but you can see it with these."<br>And indeed Izaya could. For a while he simply stared at it as if still in a trance. Then he let it fall and proceed to stomp on it repeatedly. Euphoria surged through his veins with a bout of animic energy. The hood bobbed up and down with his antics, a blur of fur.  
>"I'll live, I'll live, I am going to live! Take that, take that, screw you Ikigami! Su-ba-ra-shii-hi-bi -da, sing with me, Shizu-chan!"<br>"I don't know the lyrics."  
>"Doesn't matter one bit! Bo-ku-wa-i-KI-TE-RU!"<br>Izaya burst out laughing. Tears streamed down his face but he kept stomping.  
>[I guess Izaya has to be creepy to be Izaya...aren't you going to stop him?]<br>Shizuo produced a cigarette.  
>"Let him have his fun. Right now he deserves it."<br>"Oy, oy, Shizu-chan! You really shouldn't smoke. It'll be the death of you!"  
>"Just phone your sisters when you're done."<br>"Yes, sir."  
>Namie sighed and tried to hide a smile by tossing her hair over a shoulder and tapping her foot.<br>"Did you have to destroy it? I needed it for further analysis."  
>"So sorry, Namie!"<br>"You could at least try to sound sorry."  
>Izaya took a deep breath and stopped.<br>"I got bored of that. But it sure was great while it lasted! Ah, I owe you all my deepest gratitude."  
>He shook Celty's hand with such enthusiasm she was slightly scared, bowed with a flourish to Namie, and stood in front of Shizuo.<br>"Shizu-chan,"  
>"I can shake hands with you now."<br>It was a solemn handshake. Izaya broke the mood by getting on tiptoe to land a kiss on Shizuo's cheek. Izaya was about to skip away in his typically mischievous manner but Shizuo detained him.  
>"Don't get big headed all over again. You can die. Best you keep that in mind."<br>"Heh, oh really? I suppose you want to kill me now, Shizu-"  
>Shizuo claimed a kiss from Izaya's mouth. The taste of tobacco lingered.<br>"Glad that shut you up."  
>"Tsk, trolling me back. So uncool but today I am willing to forgive everything. Can we still be friends?"<br>If Celty could have gasped she would have had. Namie was busying herself collecting the remains of the shattered capsule. Shizuo took enough time to reply to make Izaya a bit anxious.  
>"Dunno."<br>"Hey! Don't be like that."  
>"Not sure if 'friends' is enough for me."<br>"Eh...?"  
>"You figure it since you're so smart."<br>Izaya placed his hands in his pockets and twirled about.  
>"Shizu-chan, I did not know you could be funny."<br>Shizuo smiled with a hint of malice to it.  
>"We'll be having a lot of fun together from now on. In the future."<br>"Don't forget the Andromeda galaxy."  
>"Yeah, yeah."<br>Shizuo fluffed his hair.  
>"So, will you be chasing me from now on as well?"<br>"It's part of my world, after all."  
>"Wonderful, Shizuo. Because I wouldn't have it any other way."<br>"What happened to '-chan'?"  
>Izaya shrugged.<br>"Some things have changed."  
>"Call your sisters already."<br>"I'll do better than that. I'll drop by and say hi. Might as well talk to my parents too. It's been a while since I saw them. Celty, can I get a ride?"  
>[Sure, of course]<br>Izaya clapped Shizuo in the shoulder.  
>"I'll be seeing you soon. And Namie, I still don't exactly who did what to save my life but it seems you played a major role. Thank you."<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

Izaya gingerly sat astride the bike.  
>"Oh, one more thing. I'll be public enemy number one in a few hours so it may take some time until we go back to the ever so fun, 'whack-Izaya-kun' game. And I'm afraid your kid brother will be joining the crowds of the unemployed soon. I'm bringing the system down."<br>"Want some help with that?"  
>"Are you serious?"<br>"I'm serious."  
>Izaya grew somber.<br>"Are you sure, Shizu-chan? It'll change your life for good."  
>"I know all that."<br>"I see. Then I'll be giving you a call, wait for it."  
>Shizuo cracked a smile and lit a cigarette.<br>"And it figures you'd know my number."  
>"But of course! I make it my business to know things. Bye now."<p>

In the following hours Izaya pieced up everything. Namie had stayed up in the hopes that Izaya might contact her. Despite everything she had not given up and went through the research papers for a way of saving Izaya through science. And then she remembered Izaya's theory about supernatural powers, how she had scoffed at them only to be proven wrong. She had data on Celty, on how her scythe could cut through matter. Namie lost no time contacting Shinra and through her Celty but finding Izaya proved difficult.  
>His cell phone was turned off and Namie called virtually everyone she knew before they ran into someone who told them that Izaya had last been seen with Shizuo. Armed with this information she immediately pinpointed his whereabouts and sent Celty ahead.<br>"And so it happens that many people helped me. But Namie, I have a disturbing feeling that you enjoyed slapping me more than you should."  
>She shrugged.<br>"I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea from that kiss."  
>"Ah, indeed!"<br>Ever methodically Namie ran Izaya through tests that proved that he was indeed saved.  
>"So, what do we do now?"<br>"We go to war. What else?"  
>Namie smiled.<p>

Izaya waited. As the clock hit ten he could not help but take a hurried breath that he only released when the clock hit one past ten. A few seconds into the hour would have sufficed but psychologically he needed to see the figure change, the numbers striking a reassuring thrill that went deep into his heart. His euphoria did not abate but it gained an aura of serenity that Izaya found invigorating.  
>Izaya waited some more. The following day his death was announced along with the typical eulogies that the State was so willing to bestow on those it killed. And then he sent the signal that hijacked every screen in Tokyo, from tiny televisions to the bigger than life screens hanging above crowded intersections like shifting idols to the crowds below.<br>"Good morning! I am Orihara Izaya, the Orihara Izaya. And I am alive. I am broadcasting live- isn't that amusing?- as you can see."  
>He folded a newspaper and pointed to the date.<br>"For those of you who might have missed it, the Ikigami system just pronounced me dead. You must be wondering how I survived. I will tell you. I did it with the help of people and of a fairy. Some of you who are listening to this have been chosen to die by the Ikigami decree. You are scared, lost, and above all hopeless. But you are not alone. Look around! This is Tokyo, a city of so many people. And yet the system isolates some of us and causes too much grief to even more.  
>'It is for the sake of the majority', they say. Do you know the real reason why the Ikigami system is allowed to exist? It is because people do not raise against it. And why don't they do it? Because they think they are part of the majority. 'It will not happen to me'. The death of others is just that.<br>But doesn't that mean that the Ikigami system is making us all selfish? If not you, then it can be your children, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, grandchildren, schoolmates, friends. 'It is statistically irrelevant'? You can say so because you do not think it will ever strike _you_.  
>There's a silent army lurking in our midst. Mothers, fathers, all of us who lost someone to the Ikigami system. All of you now beginning to perhaps hope as you listen to my words, to believe that maybe you can escape the cruel fate that the Ikigami decided for you. All of us are not few.<br>I am here by announcing war against the Department of National Health department."


	17. Chapter 17

A deliberate pause. Izaya let the silence draw in the entire nation along with the world, hyping the suspense. He had arranged for this transmission to be carried to the four corners of the planet with the aid interpreters. Addressing humanity's babel for his message was universal.  
>"War. But we are humane. Death is too final for us to force it on others. We will not fight fire with fire. Our weapons are not those of violence. We deal in information. Awareness. The victims of the system are seen as heroes but does posthumous honor give any consolation to the survivors?<br>People are connected. Look around, each individual you see is part of a chain. There are no expendable people: that is what makes us human. We are more than a species, we are a network of feelings, passion, hate, love. Remove one of us and the others will suffer.  
>No one other creature can feel empathy to the extent that humans can. It is part of who we are. If we don't turn a deaf ear to our conscience we can feel the pain of others even if they are complete strangers. We are all linked by a common backdrop that cuts across boundaries. Because we are human.<br>If you are a soon-to-be-victim watching this and thinking that you are utterly alone, that your death will be of no importance, that you're not worth fighting the death sentence on your head: think again. The odds of any one of us being conceived, born and alive are staggering to the point of being miraculous.  
>And that is why we are bringing the system down. They'll tell you that some people have to die for life to gain its true importance, that there is a higher purpose but in reality life is everything and for that reason we must protect it."<br>Another halt as Izaya spread his arms in an all-inclusive gesture.  
>"This is life as it truly is. Not always pretty but supremely precious. We invite you all to join us in a war to reclaim our life. The question is, which side will you choose. I am Orihara Izaya and I am alive."<br>The screen grew dark and silent. In a windowless room Izaya turned off a recording device and took a deep breath, interlacing his fingers, closing his eyes. He felt like an actor just about to enter the major act of a play he was also writing. In the darkness beyond his eyelids he could sense a flurry of activities. His co-conspirators moving the shadows. It occurred to him that this was a role so tailored for him that it might very well be his fate.  
>"The dice are rolling."<br>Izaya had wanted a revolution and he now found himself leading one.  
>"That song you made up, what was it all about?."<br>Izaya leapt from the swivel chair and turned a humble smile at Shizuo.  
>"I wonder."<br>"'It's a wonderful day,  
>power is overflowing,<br>throwing everything away, I am living  
>Since you'll forget me,<br>When that happens I'll be able to meet you soon.'"  
>"Aren't you reading too much into it?"<br>"You tell me."  
>"It is so human to cling to meaning. You could say we read meaning into everything. Stick around, Shizuo. And you may hear the rest of it."<br>"'Shizuo'? Did I just get promoted?"  
>Izaya laughed.<br>"Do you want '-san'?"  
>"Actually that wouldn't be bad."<br>"Everyone's a sucker for status."  
>"That was quite a speech you just delivered."<br>"Ah, yes. I gave John Galt a run for his money, didn't I? I wonder how many people actually read the main speech in Atlas Shrugged. I'm afraid that in real life no one can afford to rant for seventy pages without people tuning out."  
>"No one tuned out from your speech."<br>Izaya grew thoughtful.  
>"Perhaps I overused drama but I meant every single word."<br>"Yeah. It showed. So what now? Still want to live forever?"  
>"More than ever. But first thing's first. I have my priorities very clear in my sight."<br>"Isn't this what you wanted, in a way? To start a war?"  
>Izaya contemplated Shizuo at length as if seeing him for the first time. In a sense he was doing just that.<br>"Just how much about my plans do you know?"  
>"Just got that idea."<br>"I have to admit, I'm not sure how it'll be to have you on my side."  
>"You're on the right side for a change. Might as well employ your smarts in something like that."<br>Izaya chuckled.  
>"You sound like almost dying was the best thing that could have happened to me."<br>"I guess it was."  
>"You got that wound taken care of? And I don't mean glue."<br>"I'm okay."


	18. Chapter 18

"You'd say that no matter what, though."  
>"I guess. No point in whining."<br>"Actually, there is a psychological advantage to venting."  
>"Meaning?"<br>"Meaning that expressing negative emotions alleviates them considerably. Stay still, there's a first aid kit somewhere."  
>And without further ado Izaya busied himself bandaging Shizuo's wound.<br>"You're not too good at this."  
>"Well excuse me for not being a topnotch nurse. It is still better than glue."<br>"I guess…maybe."  
>"'Maybe'? Way to ruin a guy's ego."<br>"Someone has got to bring you down a notch or two before you start thinking you're god again."  
>Izaya blinked then burst out laughing.<br>"Ah, you actually have a point. And you're all set."  
>"From now you'll be surrounded by people singing your praise and this whole rebel leader thing will make many folks think you're divine."<br>"I am angling for a V for Vendetta thing here. Not the movie, the original comic book. Except there is nothing at all anonymous about what I am doing. Wonder if I should get a fancy hat."  
>"No hat."<br>"With all due respect, I don't think I'll be taking styling tips from you anytime soon. Bartender suit, anyone?"  
>Shizuo shrugged.<br>"Keeps me warm."  
>"I'll skip the crazy mask, that's for sure."<br>"There's no point to hiding your face. It's you people will follow because you're Orihara Izaya. And you're the first person to ever beat the system."  
>"Aha, just like a cult ringleader: first you break down my ego and then you rebuilt it according to your ideals."<br>Izaya's tone was playful.  
>"It's the truth. That speech was real convincing, try having me read it out on camera and see how many people will bother to listen. Not many. If you ask me you just found what you were meant to do with your life."<br>This gave Izaya pause. He mused in silence.  
>"That is humbling, a bit sad and yet exhilarating."<br>"All good, then."  
>Izaya glanced away briefly before looking at Shizuo again.<br>"Say, Shizuo…do you realize the real danger of what I'm doing? It is said that more people have been killed under the banner of 'freedom' than anything else and there is some truth to that. Ultimately it is up to others to side with me without using violent means."  
>"Thought you'd storm the program's headquarters like you planned."<br>"Revolutions have a tendency for sliding into bloody affairs all too quickly. If the cornerstone is already steeped in blood then it is inevitable that violence will escalate. But I hold no illusions, it may very well come to that in the future."  
>Shizuo took him entirely by surprise by leaning over and kissing him on the forehead.<br>"I think I'll do without '-san' for the time being. 'Shizuo' sounds better."  
>Izaya smiled candidly.<br>"You know, I have no idea what you are doing. I understand that you want to do the right thing but I don't get what you have in mind regarding me."  
>"I want to see how far you can take things. It's worth staying by your side for that."<br>"I see. You've seen me at my very worst so you are the best pick for 'second in command'."  
>"Like in the army?"<br>"To some extent. I know that I can rely on you. But I'm still very new to this trusting people thing."  
>"Guess you'll have to work at it."<br>"I guess I will."  
>"Compared to changing the world it can't be that great of a challenge."<br>Izaya chuckled.  
>"I'm not too sure about that."<br>"Plenty of things have changed and they'll never be the same but you're still part of my world and I am part of your world."  
>"More than ever, Shizuo."<br>"Can you afford to be thinking about all this?"  
>"Who knows. Either way I need to sort out my feelings."<br>"There's more to life than just bringing down the system."  
>"Precisely. I have a cause but I am not a cause. But you know, I don't have to be eternally grateful to you for saving my life. I only need to save yours and then we'll be even."<br>"Weird way of putting it. And it doesn't count if you're the one to put me in a tight spot in the first place."  
>Izaya's laughter rang merrily.<br>"I may be something of master manipulator but I wouldn't do that. With that said, you'll become as much of a hunted man as I. But that is your choice and your responsibility. To claim that it was my fault would be nothing but delusional ego tripping of the guilt type. And it wouldn't do you justice, you are capable of choosing for yourself and making your own decisions."


	19. Chapter 19

"Yeah. But I wouldn't be here for anyone else."  
>Izaya did not quite know what to say.<br>"To wage war in a country that lives and dies by its commitment to peace... it will be the work of a lifetime, won't it?"  
>"I thought you'd leave Japan."<br>"Ah. I do not have grandiose notions of patriotic duty but my resources are optimized if I stay in the country."  
>"If you choose to leave I'll follow you."<br>Izaya started. Then relaxed.  
>"Yes, I suppose that follows. 'War' is such a taboo word in our society. This is exciting, in a way."<br>"Like when you get all happy on rooftops looking down?"  
>"Why, that is a good comparison. In both cases there is a sense of alarm that is linked to the excitement. And one thing is for sure, the whole world may be after my head but I'll never have trouble getting laid."<br>And Izaya smiled openly.  
>"You never had any trouble with that."<br>"Ah. So true. But you know how it goes, girls love the revolutionary type."  
>"I bet. But that's not why I love you."<br>"Why you- why you what?"  
>This did shock Izaya to the point of incoherence.<br>"You heard me. Why I love you. At this point I can say that I do."  
>"What on Earth are you talking about?"<br>"You're being too slow, doesn't fit you. After saying all those things to the world you get all tongue tied with a simple confession."  
>"You're being quite sharp tongued, for someone 'confessing'."<br>Shizuo shrugged.  
>"I'm not good at being all gushy and romantic about things. Never was, never will be. Just thought I should tell you, it'd only be fair."<br>"I am not sure I understand what you mean."  
>Izaya's voice sought refuge in slowness of the careful sort with more than a hint of suspicion to it.<br>"Yes you do. You're just playing dumb. It's annoying as hell."  
>"Well excuse me for being surprised at this sudden turn of events-"<br>"Sudden? Maybe, as far as time goes but you know very well that the hours we spent together were more than just hours. They lasted longer."  
>"Technically they did not-"<br>"Bullshit, Izaya."  
>"Alright, I know what you mean. Problem is, what are we going to do about it?"<br>"Dunno. What we want, I guess. For my part I just wanted to tell you, I'd regret it if I died without ever telling you. Because you're not the only one putting your life on the line – sure, the choice is mine but it doesn't make it any less dangerous."  
>"Living on borrowed time, huh... when I win I am sure we'll have an answer."<br>Shizuo lifted an eyebrow.  
>"So you know for a fact you'll win?"<br>"That's how I'm approaching this, within the bounds of feasibility I am keeping my own personal delusion of absolute victory undimmed."  
>Izaya yawned and just like that Shizuo was reminded anew of how frail he truly was. The measure of humanity was equally so.<br>"That's all great but you're dead tired. Did you sleep any?"  
>"Can't afford to sleep. The world keeps spinning after all."<br>"What you can't afford is to drop dead from exhaustion."  
>"Wouldn't that be the supreme irony!"<br>Izaya laughed but he was already rubbing his eyes, involuntary tears falling down his cheeks.  
>"Time for you to go to bed. There should be one around here somewhere."<br>"There is but it's probably not big enough for both of us."  
>"Can't tell if you're being a smart ass or if you mean it."<br>"I mean it. But I don't want to sleep, at least not now..."  
>"That Namie chick has things well under her control, you can get some shuteye."<br>Izaya stared at his folded hands on his lap.  
>"That's not it. It's just that sleep is too much like death. I know that it's irrational and silly but I feel that if I go to sleep now I'll never wake up."<br>"I'll watch over you."  
>"That's a bit..."<br>"Didn't you say you'd share a bed with me?"  
>Izaya wavered in uncertainty. Then reached a decision.<br>"Tell you what, we are both in dire need of rest. I won't be afraid if you're by my side. You'll have to make do with a small bed."  
>"Fine with me."<br>Izaya smiled, relieved. The burden was bearable if shared. He found his appointed sleeping quarters (Namie was proving a very valuable asset when it came to logistics) and stood gaping in surprise at the king sized heart shaped bed that dominated the entire room.  
>"Wow, didn't see that coming!"<br>"And you said there were only small beds around."  
>Izaya flung himself on the bed, legs swinging up in the air crazily.<p> 


	20. Chapter 20

"I see, must be that some of the original furniture is still around! This place used to be a love hotel until it closed down. Great pick all around, unassuming and with plenty of windowless rooms."  
>"Big bed."<br>Shizuo was already unbuttoning his vest. Izaya rolled on the very pink covers that squeaked slightly.  
>"Shouldn't you shower first?"<br>"You saying I smell?"  
>"No but you'll feel so much comfy once you're all sparkly clean."<br>"You got a point there."  
>"Yeah... there's a bathroom there. The perks of a love hotel, such a perfect pick... remind me to thank Namie-san."<br>Shizuo tossed his shirt aside and opened the door.  
>"You joining me?"<br>"Too tired, Shizuo... and I already got super clean and groomed for the video."  
>"Gotta look at your best if you're taking on the world, huh."<br>Not surprisingly the room was arranged in such a manner so that the bed faced the bathtub directly. Shizuo kept the door open so as not to break the communication.  
>"Of course. Looking the part is important."<br>"Keep that up and they'll make shirts with your face printed."  
>Izaya giggled. The sound of water was soothing and both very close and impossibly far.<br>"I'll get you one, free of charge. Size extra extra extra large... with 'I heart Izaya' in big bold letters. Just don't show it in public because the government isn't cool with that. I'm not all that popular nowadays, believe it or not."  
>"Not with the National Health people but you're gaining plenty of followers as it is."<br>Izaya barely heard him.  
>"You know, in plenty of cultures immersion in water signifies a rite of passage, new beginnings, purification, the whole deal..."<br>His eyes were closing of their own accord and it was through a blurring veil that he saw Shizuo. Izaya's lethargy abated.  
>"It's just a shower, don't go reading weird meanings into it."<br>Izaya bounced as Shizuo sat next to him, vigorously drying his hair, towel around his waist.  
>"Except the meanings apply, weird or not... and I believe this is indeed a waterbed. Whee."<br>"Weird."  
>"That was one hell of a fast shower. And don't strut your stuff half-naked, you're getting me all hot and bothered."<br>"Liar."  
>"Heh, indeed... too tired for anything like that."<br>Izaya rolled some more until he was on his back. And then he burst out laughing.  
>"Oh dear, it's too much- look! There's a mirror on the ceiling!"<br>"Isn't that neat, since you love yourself so much."  
>"Yay! Go me, go Orihara Izaya-sama!"<br>Izaya indulged in silly quirks as a means of alleviating the pressure. Understanding this, Shizuo played along.  
>"Is the great Orihara-sama sleeping like that or what?"<br>"Ah, help me undress... so tired..."  
>Shizuo went as far as making as if to remove Izaya's belt.<br>"Oy, I'll help you but you can't just lie there."  
>Izaya sat up and kissed him on the lips. Shizuo's surprise did more than just amuse Izaya, it made him absurdly happy.<br>"Never too tired to kiss."  
>Izaya ran his fingers through still damp hair. He was suddenly curious about Shizuo's natural hair color for no other reason other than an interest in the particular individual that was Heiwajima Shizuo.<br>"Still a tease."  
>Izaya removed the jacket with ease but appeared to struggle with the shirt.<br>"You know there are probably still sex toys lying about."  
>"I bet."<br>"What, no interest? I am disappointed."  
>At length Izaya managed to strip down to his boxers.<br>"I'm not into that kind of thing."  
>"Hmm... I see..."<br>"You're the resident pervert, don't assume everyone's like you."  
>Izaya giggled.<br>"I object! Everyone's a pervert down deep. Why else is the internet all about porn? Because everyone is a perv! You, me, the National Health folk, even Namie. Okay, maybe not Namie."  
>Izaya settled under the very pink covers and sighed contently. Shizuo joined him.<br>"So that's why you're always parked in front of a computer?"  
>"But of course. Speaking of that, I want to get a dakimakura."<br>"A body pillow?"  
>"Yes. But not for kinky purposes, I want a big pillow with 'life' written on it."<br>"Now that's weird."  
>"Less weird then some naked moe-blob."<br>"No clue what that is."  
>"Heh, oh sweet innocence... how about I get a Shizuo dakimakura?"<br>"What for? You got the real thing here and I'm not going anywhere."  
>"Ah... thanks..."<br>Shizuo expected this to be awkward but he was proven wrong.


	21. Chapter 21

"I bet you talk in your sleep since you don't shut up."  
>"Do not!"<br>"You sure?"  
>"Hmm...not entirely... doesn't matter, I'm brilliant even when I'm sleeping."<br>"Keep telling yourself that."  
>"You know, this gives a whole new meaning to 'starting a revolution in bed'."<br>"What's that supposed to mean?"  
>"We should have realized that things were about to get very bad when they began censoring porn left and right... totalitarian systems always do this... societal health my ass..."<br>Izaya seemed unsure on whether he wanted to have a deep conversation or let sleep wipe out his consciousness. His back rested against Shizuo's chest as if Shizuo had indeed become his touchstone.  
>"You can bring porn back when all's said and done."<br>"Yeah... and odds are it's the first time someone sleeps in this bed, as in just sleeping."  
>"I bet. Since this was a shady place. Perfect for your headquarters."<br>"So... mean, Shizu...o..."  
>It amused Shizuo greatly how Izaya dragged the name until the final syllables stood almost detached.<br>"Gotta turn down the lights."  
>"Try clapping..."<br>Shizuo was not convinced but he clapped and indeed it worked. It must be a love hotel thing. But it did not grow pitch black. A dim darkness suffused the room.  
>Shizuo could tell when Izaya was finally asleep just by the breathing pattern spelled out on his body. Their contact was that close, simple physical contact full of warmth.<br>Shizuo stayed awake for a while longer. At first Shizuo was glad that Izaya slept silently but after a while it began to almost worry him. Shizuo understood much better what Izaya meant about sleep bordered on death. As Izaya sank deeper, he became so still that Shizuo could barely tell that he was alive if not for the body heat.  
>Then Izaya turned around and cuddled. Shizuo felt both reassured and a bit silly at his worry. Through the semi-light he could see Izaya well enough. People tended to look at their most innocent in their sleep and Izaya was no exception. That Izaya was so savvy only highlighted the contrast. Izaya might as well be a kid.<br>It occurred to Shizuo that in many ways Izaya was exactly that: an overly intelligent kid. And it saddened him a bit that Izaya was now forced into growing up through hardship. This surprised Shizuo greatly. He was nodding off despite his mind being so burdened or perhaps because it was so when Izaya started awake.  
>"-no, stay away!"<br>"Hey, Izaya? It's me. Calm down."  
>Shizuo remembered to clap to turn on the light. Izaya gasped for air frantically but as soon as he became aware of his surroundings, he relaxed into a sigh even as he smiled.<br>"Stupid nightmare. I'm becoming a scaredy cat. Nya."  
>"I'll be right back, just wait a sec."<br>Shizuo disappeared for a couple of minutes and returned carrying two steaming mugs, one of which he handed to Izaya.  
>"Is that milk, by any chance?"<br>"Yeah. It's good for you."  
>Izaya was inclined not to drink it but he could not reject Shizuo's good intentions.<br>"Thanks. And it has chocolate on it, huh... really going all out here."  
>"Better that way. No marshmallows though."<br>"And that's a shame?"  
>"Kinda."<br>"You have the palate of a five year old. How you manage to survive mostly on sugar is anyone's guess."  
>"Dunno. Maybe it's cuz I'm so strong?"<br>"Ah. That may very well be, yes."  
>Izaya found it very comforting to just hold the mug in his two hands and he sipped the rich sweet liquid very slowly.<br>"Good, isn't it?"  
>"Not entirely bad."<br>"Nightmare?"  
>Izaya nodded.<br>"I dreamed that death – or maybe it's 'Death' – was out to get me. Literally. It's a case of dreams mimicking reality in their own trippy way."  
>"Was it a guy in a black cape with a scythe? With a skull for face?"<br>Izaya chuckled and blew bubbles on the mug.  
>"You won't believe it. It actually looked like Ryuk from Death Note. Except a hundred times scarier."<br>"Never watched that."  
>"I wish I hadn't either. But at least the people out to get me are just that, people. Easier to tackle all around. On the other hand it's rather sad that human beings would do such a thing... better to believe in creepy winged monsters out to get you. Then again Death Note's entire point was that people can be much worse than supernatural death gods."<p> 


	22. Chapter 22

"I think it's normal. This kind of thing. Nightmares, I mean."

Izaya smiled wanly but genuinely. Shizuo found it unreasonably disarming.

"Most likely. You know, Shizu-chan...I used to be very afraid of death- or so I thought. Now I know how it feel to be really afraid of death, so afraid you can't even think- too terrified. I am more afraid than ever, actually. Can't be easy, following someone that is that weak...are you absolutely sure you do not want to reconsider your decision?"

"I am. And you should stop asking me that, it cheapens everything."

"Sorry."

"So you're afraid? Good. I'd rather follow someone who accepts that death is scary and still refuses to give up. If anything it makes you more, what's the word...I've heard it before, bet you know."

"'Qualified'?"

"Yeah, that. And I don't like what you're doing. Fishing for compliments."

Izaya finished the chocolate liquid, savoring it to the thickly sweet residue at the bottom of the mug. Simple pleasures.

"Ah, you may have a point there. You know, Shizu-chan...about porn, I think it is my duty to re-introduce it in the world."

Izaya stretched playfully. He felt fresh and invigorated.

"Figures you'd go back to that."

"And what better way than making my very own porn!"

"You mean with me?"

Izaya nodded, suddenly almost shy. He felt absurdly nervous as Shizuo brought their lips together in a soft kiss.

"Chocolatey, now that is kinky."

Shizuo eased him on his back and clambered on top of him. Everything was happening slowly as if Shizuo acted with deliberate care.

"I've never done this before."

"Leave it all to me."

"Not too sure I like that."

"Why not? Ah, could it be that your sense of manliness is threatened?"

Izaya's amusement brimmed with a sly knowing attitude. Basking naked in a love hotel bed, Izaya was at ease in this decadent environment. Seductive by default. Shizuo lightly touched the marred skin on Izaya's arm. It was a slight fine line.

"How did this happen?"

"That's Shinra's handwork. Surgery to beat the Ikigami."

"Shouldn't you bandage this or something?"

"The cut isn't that deep."

"It'll probably leave a scar."

"Good. I want it to."

Izaya shifted from the smoothness of his allure to heightened assertion.

"How come?"

"I want to have something to remember this by. What better way then having it engraved in my flesh."

Shizuo kissed the hollow of Izaya's neck. Warmth circulated from one body to the other.

"That's a real grown up way of thinking about it."

"And now we can join the same scar club."

"Don't ruin things by getting all creepy on me."

Izaya giggled. He activated a switch that sent the bed slowly turning.

"Spinning sex is the best kind of sex."

Shizuo did not want to let Izaya take charge, already Izaya was too burdened by leadership. And while Shizuo was not a systematic thinker he understood that the bed was the ultimate stage for power play. Izaya needed to forget such things entirely if only for a while. A respite from the pressing claims of changing the world.

Izaya was most curious about Shizuo's next move. Shizuo went with his instinct and let the momentum carry them both so that in the end all boundaries blurred until there was no one leading.

It came down to pleasure, the reassuring heat of flesh on flesh, frustrations drawn to the surface of their very skin and then in a sudden burst of euphoria.

Izaya sighed contently, eyes semi-closed in the hazy buzz of his afterglow.

"You know, about printing my face on shirts, I could very well become the next Che Guevara. But even hotter. I know! How about printing it on underwear?"

"How about no."

Shizuo stopped the bed's circular motion once he found the switch.

"The problem is, you have no imagination."

"Not exactly. I like to imagine the kind of world you'll create."

Izaya nodded sleepily but his voice was sharp.

"Bringing down the system is only the beginning. The real work starts after that. Rebuilding the very basis of society. It's funny, I never considered how insidious the Ikigami program truly is. By accepting that the state has the right to kill some of us in the name of hollow ideals we have become less human."

"Less human, huh."

"So the goal is regain our lost humanity and then take it to a whole new level."


	23. Chapter 23

"Who was that again?"

"Icarus's father made him some wings using feathers and wax. The wings did the trick, Icarus took the sky and soared above. But he soared too much, when he got too close to the sun the wax melted and thus Icarus came crashing down and was no more. The myth is usually interpreted as showing how human ambition, trying to overcome one's limits and natural boundaries, is ultimately futile."

"'Usually', huh. What do you make of the story?"

"Icarus was trying to escape from Crete where he had been imprisoned along with his father. It was more a matter of self preservation than anything else."

"The wings are there to save ourselves, huh."

Izaya grew thoughtfully silent. Shizuo found it strangely entrancing, Izaya seemed to have purged himself of so much stress to emerge into serene reflection. In his afterglow he was deep in thought while comfortably naked. Shizuo could not quite achieve this kind of ease and put on his boxers.

"I kept asking myself over and over, 'how did we ever let things get to this point' but more than a freak development the Ikigami system strikes me as the natural outcome of our history."

"Explain."

Izaya sat cross-legged.

"The Ikigami system is the direct result of a culture that devalues life. Officially the system exists to counter it, in reality in enforces it. In historical terms it was only yesterday that the motto was 'die for the Empire', the epitome of this ideology was the kamikaze pilot. It got to the point that surviving was too shameful to be endured. Such an inversion of human values is highly disturbing."

"So the Ikigami is like reacting against that kind of thinking?"

Izaya nodded.

"We should have learned our lesson. But we didn't. We became too passive as a people to care whenever we lived or died. Our peace is muddled and leaves no room for self-sacrificing heroics of any kind. Hence the Ikigami system: it presupposes to teach people the value of life by ennobling death. Ikigami victims are not even allowed to be mourned as such, their demise is to hailed as a wonderful thing and they themselves do not even the right to despair. That alone makes it one of the most despicable human inventions."

Izaya's hands grasped the sheet in an involuntary spasm of anger. Shizuo noticed the scar tissue becoming a well defined line.

"Nothing good comes from killing people that didn't do nothing. It's like saying their lives only serve to show other people some stupid lesson."

Izaya granted him a smile full of irony, his hands relaxing in a gesture of abandon.

"And yet the suicide rate is mostly negligible. The system seems to work as far that goes."

"It can go to hell for all I know."

"Ah, I am in complete agreement. A society's health is compromised if it rests on the suffering of the innocent. We won't be happy until we are all happy: it's not just 'society', it's 'community'."

"You know, you should put that into writing."

Izaya laughed.

"My very own Little Red Book? All revolutionaries need have such things. Say, Shizuo...what would you if it had been you to receive the Ikigami notice?"

Izaya did not inquire into Shizuo's reaction were it Kasuka to deliver it.

"I'd be mad. Real mad. Probably burst into the National Health department and kick their asses until they put me down."

"I can very well see that."

"What would do if I received the Ikigami instead of you?"

Izaya had been half slouching but he now straightened up.

"I am not sure. In a way I'd be rid of you but it wouldn't be very satisfying."

"Things were always personal between us."

"In your own words it's not even about hate or love, it's just how it is."

"And in your words we could become friends we had more time. We have time now."

Izaya yawned and stretched.

"I think we've gone a bit beyond friends by now."

"You gotta be real tired."


End file.
